Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
