he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
