Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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