im gay
i know
yea but for you.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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