why didn't you poke me back
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
