i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
