Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
