the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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