the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
