The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
