Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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