Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
