I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
