Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm too high and old for this...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
