HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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