I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
