I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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