Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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