After last night, I could never be a politician.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
