I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
