i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
