I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
