I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
