Please, let me fuck your mom
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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