The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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