I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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