i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I will pee on everything he values.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
