How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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