Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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