Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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