Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
