Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
