My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
