Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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