If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
