if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
