yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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