2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How does one acquire holy water?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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