The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
