every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
