Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
