Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
bring money and cleavage
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
