Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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