Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
