Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
