New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
