Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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