I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
