Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
