I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
