sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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